Friday, June 08, 2007

The spring of discontent

Dear Friends,
this has been a strange spring, and not in a pleasant way. Nothing dramatic happened, nor anything definite I can point my finger at. But I do not feel like my old self, and I do not like this discontented new me.

The new me is even discontented of knitting. While this may sound trivial, (and may actually be mistaken for a healthy sign by those who regard intense knitting like an obsession), it is a clear sign of a deep shift within me, for whom knitting has always been a rich resource.

I do not attach any deep or mystical meaning to knitting, but I am an ethologist by formation, and I know my behavioral patterns, coping strategies and rewards. And now something is amiss.

Of course, it may simply be the burn-out effect of my demanding and stressful life; in fact, it most likely is just that. Still, I do not like it.

Along with the knitting, have gone my already minimal blog-reading and spinning. I do feel a bit too empty right now. And, as I said, not happy about it.

In other news, the second year of Vet School is over, and that is good. I have just been to Italy to meet my new niece, baby Emma, and she is the sweetest little thing ever. And I have a wonderful trip to South Africa planned for this summer, with my family. And that is just super fantastic!

So if i can just get this spring over with, I should be all set.


Anonymous Daphne said...

Hello--I know how you feel. I just want to say, "this too shall pass" and that I'm glad you posted to say hello. I hope this passes soon.

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Emma said...

Oh Ben ! Don't be so hard on yourself. Life, especially such a full and busy one, can be overwhelming.
Give yourself permission to rest, have a break from things, miss your Mama. You know, all the things you are too busy to do. Stress manifests itself in strange ways at times.
Take care of yourself.


8:11 PM  
Blogger maryse said...

ben!!! i'm sorry you're feeling "off"

i wish i could offer some words of wisdom, but i can't since i find myself kind of feeling the same way.

but i'm glad you're popping up to say "hey" to all of us.

don't be a stranger.

6:56 AM  
Blogger melanie said...

I've always been a big fan of the just go-with-the-flow of weird emotional waves. I've never known any of them to stay forever. :)

12:43 PM  
Anonymous elisa said...

There's been a lot of "off" feelings around blogland these days. Just know that we're here when you are, and your presence has been missed. xoxo, Elisa

4:09 PM  
Anonymous Cheryl said...

Good to see a post from you! Like Maryse, I wish I could offer some wisdom from the other side but I can't, since I too am in the middle of it. I miss my old self, and don't like the restless, sad, wistful person living in my skin these last months. I want my old self back. Or at least a new, better, stronger me.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Martita said...

Hi Ben! Glad to hear from you. I have been having similarly unsettled-but-can't-put-my-finger-on-it feelings lately and I was just telling myself yesterday, sometimes you just have to be patient and wait for everything to shake out. Being patient is so much harder than problem solving!

11:00 AM  
Blogger kelli ann said...

thanks for sharing this with us: this is honest and right. hope you're feeling better as summer dawns as well...

8:36 PM  

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